Trustworthy girlfriend

 “What are you doing, dude?”

“I’m seducing you.”

“What? Why?!”

“Oh, come one, you know you like this.”

“No, dude. This is just awkward. Melissa is my step sister, I growth with her.”

“Come on dude, don’t lie to me. You should have fantasized with her at least once, don’t you?”

“Gary…”

“Fine, I’ll tell you why so you can understand why I won’t stop my sexy attacks on you.”

“I’m not sure if I really want to know now.”

“Funny. Anyway, do you remember all those crazy chicks in school always screaming like crazy for stupid things, like felling like platypus, pokemons, and, I don’t know, lesbian dildos? Or that being fit was criminal? You know, those with blue and purple hair that prefer to burn books like Germans in the 30’s?”

“You mean all the girls… And guys who said they are girls… And those who scream because they can’t explain what a girl is? And basically 95% of the people in campus?”

“Exactly, those. Well, the truth is that I was so scared of those orcs, to the point that I kept locking and using anything I could find to wish for you to become a sexy girl and make you my girlfriend.”

“You what?!”

“I know how it sounds, but instead of you becoming a girl, it was me who became one. And you know what? I want to be your girlfriend.”

“So are you telling me your soul possessing Melissa after you died in that car accident was some kind of voodoo of yours?”

“Nah, since I did nothing, you can call this a miracle or the universe telling us we are meant to be.”

“That’s crazy…”

“I know, but still here I am. And before you say anything. Haven’t I been a better sister than Melissa?”

“W-well… She… she was…”

“She was infected by the woke virus… Which makes me the cure. So, are you not a little attracted to me because of that?”

“Maybe a little thankful, but she is my sister…”

“I knooooowww, but you are not blood related. Come on, please give me a chance. You are my best friend and the only person I would trust my back in a zombie apocalypse. And I’m sure you think the same about me, even in this form.”

“I do, but still…”

“You know what? From this angle you look extremely handsome.”

“Fine, fine! Let’s finish this. Don’t you have an outing with those girls of the right party or the like?”

“Right party? Don’t talk as those goblins, they are just girls that like guys, just like me.”

“Sorry, it’s just that…”

“I know; Melissa was becoming one of them. But you need to worry not, I’ll probe you I will always be a trustworthy girlfriend for you, my best friend… specially in bed.”

“Gary!”